Happy Halloween

All Hallows Eve

Ghost and goblins may be near
Pirates and princesses will soon appear
Shouts and squeals of delight
Fill the chilled Autumn night
Winds whisper through the streets
Children draped in old bed sheets
A long empty house with its tales of fear
A place children would never go near
It's All Hallows Eve and spirits roam free
They mean no harm to you and me
Still to our warm safe home we will flee

DMR 10/11

WHEN A CHILD SPEAKS...LISTEN

Last Sunday a little blue eyed 6 year old child named Maddie taught me a very valuable lesson about mourning the loss of a loved one. I was attending and had been asked to speak at the memorial service of the wonderful mother of one of my oldest and closest friends, and Maddie’s grandmother or “Meems” as she called her.

The family had decided that this would be a celebration of her life. So they decided to have an open house and invite people into the home that she had shared with her husband and raised a family in. We were to be surrounded in memories of her life. Her art and her crafts were on display for all to enjoy. Her pottery and her quilts were arranged throughout the home she had loved so. A laptop computer played streaming photos of her life. Photos that included family and friends who enjoyed life with this amazing lady over the course of her life.

I couldn’t help but smile a little at the fact that more people were probably in the house at one time than had been there ever. A testament to how loved she was as well as how loved her family were. We came to celebrate her life with her family in her home.

When the time came for us to speak her son spoke simply and eloquently of his mother and how much he had learned from her while sitting around the kitchen table. He then read a poem called “Do Not Stand at My Grave” which I have included below.

  Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
and I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

I had decided to also speak some very simple words about this wonderful lady who had invited me into her family some 19 years ago and try to help her family understand that she would want them to let her go and continue to live her life. I chose the poem “She Is Not Gone”

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes love and go on.

So after the reading I slipped out of the living room to dry my eyes and little Maddie followed me. She looked up at me and asked why I was crying and I replied that I was a little sad. Now as we adults often do I thought this might be a moment to help her with the loss of her “Meems” So I said “what about you Maddie? Or you sad today?” That child looked at me and said in that open and honest way of a child “yes I’m sad a little…..but I’m getting over it”

Words cannot do justice to the overwhelming emotions had had that moment. This beautiful child had spoken from her heart and soul and simply said exactly why I had hoped the poem would say to the family…LOVE AND GO ON.

Mrs. Maureen Campbell you will be greatly missed by all those who love you but hopefully little Maddie will lead them in picking up the pieces and moving on. 

DMR 6-16-11

"IT TAKES MONEY TO RIDE THE TRAIN AND DRINK WHISKEY."

In a few short weeks I will be 49 years old. No big deal it’s not like I’m turning 50 or something, but as always around this time of year I can’t help but think about my family and my mother in particular.

I was the last of my mother’s eight children so of course it goes without saying that I was her favorite. Oh of course she would never say that out loud. Well at least within earshot of my other siblings, but I knew it and they knew it.

She of course had her hands full raising eight kids, as well as working full time job in a textile mill, but she always had time for her family. Now truth be told we also realized back then that if we wanted to participate in extra curricular activities such as football, baseball, or the Boy Scouts that we would be encouraged and supported but for the most part we would be responsible for getting to and from practices or meetings. Recently on a spring cleaning spree I came across several photos of my mother taken at various times as I progressed up the ranks of scouting. She never missed a court of honor from tenderfoot all the way to Eagle Scout. However I couldn’t help but notice how tired she always looked in those now faded photos. Always smiling but always a little tired.

Now my mother only had a third grade education as she quit school to raise her brothers and sisters after her mother died of cancer, but to this day and forever I will tell you that she was one of the wisest people I have ever met. Married my father at 16 and had eight kids by the time she was 31. So she never really had a childhood of her own.

I am sure that money was often short, but we never knew it as we were always fed and in a warm home. We also just knew not to ask for things. However ever now and then I would ask for something or mention I wanted something and my mother would always say “Son it takes money to ride the train and drink whiskey.” Which I of course knew back then meant I would not be getting whatever it was I had asked for unless I found a way myself. Back then that basically meant hitting the sides of local roads searching for coke bottles for the refund. Or being the youngest doing chores for my older siblings. So even though at the time the saying “it takes money to ride the train and drink whiskey” made no sense and more often that not evoked a response from me along the lines of “I didn’t say anything about riding a train or drinking whiskey.” My mother in her own way was sharing a bit of her knowledge with me by letting me know that I could have anything I wanted in life as long as I was willing to do the work myself. Lesson well taught Mom and for that and so very much more I simply say thank you.

Live, Love, and Laugh

DMR 5-29-11

BABY YOU CAN DRIVE MY CAR OR MY LIFE AS A CAR

Beep, beep, beep, beep yeahhhhhhhhhhh….Life my friend is very much like driving a car. Think about it all cars whether it’s a BMW or a KIA do exactly the same thing. Move you from point A to point B making as many stops in between as you choose. Yes I said as many as YOU choose. All cars have one or more gears to make it go forward. One for reverse and at times the most important one may be either park or neutral.

Making choices in our lives is exactly the same process. We can choose to go forward and accelerate rapid through the gears as we rocket toward a particular goal. Or at times we can choose to perhaps use the cruise control and just glide along while we search for clarity around a choice that we are facing. However while tooling down life’s highways we often encounter a few curves or maybe a bad road or two. Nothing wrong with taking our foot off the gas, down shift, hit the brakes…or even going with the big “R” and reverse or changing our minds. When all else fails just let the engine idle while the fog clear. Are we really in that big of a hurry?

Finally I would suggest that you turn off the GPS ever now and then reach into the glove box or “jockey box” as one of my Midwestern friends would call it, and pull out that battered old Atlas and find your own way. Take a few side roads. Stop at some road side attractions. Only you can make your own decisions in life. Never let someone else tell you what is right or wrong for you. It’s your life and you are in the driver’s seat. So hit the road and find your next adventure in life.

Come on baby you can drive your car and you are gonna go far.

Love, Light and Laughter

DMR 5-26-11

2DAZBFO 5/33/11

"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them." -Denis Waitley

MOURNING : By Guest Blogger and friend Janora Parker

After reading Rabbi Brickner’s “When the Rhododendron Died”, Chapter III of Finding God in the Garden, my thoughts started pouring in – I could not stop them.

Have you ever stopped to think just how much time is spent mourning something or someone? We mourn our youth, our what might have beens. We mourn the loss of what we used to be. We mourn our aging parents and long for what they used to be – for the role they no longer fill in our life, the son or daughter that we should have /could have been. We mourn marriages, divorces, deaths, and sometimes, births. We mourn our children growing up. We mourn deceased pets, lost opportunities, trips we never took, on and on, the list is endless.

As Rabbi Brickner points out, it is good to mourn, grieve, feel anger, come to acceptance and move forward. Just because we replace what we are mourning does not make us flawed, cold hearted and uncaring - it just means that we are human and we live on for as long as we have, being present, doing the best that we can with what we have right here, right now. We never forget what once was – that person, place or thing is always with us. It is what has shaped us and made us who we are - loving, creative, beautiful beings of light.

JHP 01/25/2011

Let Go Of Your Undewear

Sometimes I realize a lesson in the strangest of places. Last night I had a BFO while supposedly going through my underwear drawer in my annual attempt to let go of old and unused items in my life. However I discover that for me that perhaps meant letting go of familiar and comfortable things in our lives. We all know what I am talking about. We all have those really comfortable underwear that have seen better days. The elastic is shot so the support is gone. Perhaps a hole or two around the waist band adds to the disrepair. Still there I stood folding them and putting them right back in the far back of the drawer to be used just when every other pair was dirty, or in some other “emergency” situation.

Let us admit the truth most of us do not like letting go of our stuff. We are not only physical hoarders but in many case we are mental hoarders as well. We hold on to things that are long past the expiration date. Think about the last time you reached in the fridge for a carton of milk and realized the expiration date was past. Did you pour it down the drain, or did you smell check it first? Sometimes it passes the nose test and we think heck its good for a couple more days. How many times have you gone through a pile of your clothing and decided to keep the too small jeans because you were thinking about going on a diet and losing weight. As a friend recently said to me “let them go they will make more.” Just last night I washed and put back into the cabinet a frying pan that is truly scratched beyond safe usage. The tragic part is I put it back on top of the brand new never used one I purchased 3 years ago. Seriously what the heck am I waiting on? Let it go and start using the new one  which  will if nothing else allow more space in my overfilled cabinet.

Mental hoarding is killing us. Let go of the past. Let go of real or perceived slights by friends and family members. A mistake was made perhaps, but does you making the mistake of holding on to the anger make it better. No it simply makes another mistake. I am not saying that we have to be all hugs and kisses about the people in our past or even in our present, but I am saying that we need to let it go and move on. Clear a space for the new and better in all areas of our lives.

Next step is our relationships. Alan Cohen says that relationships happen for “a reason, season or a lifetime.” We only get in trouble when we try to force a reason into a lifetime. Enjoy your relationships for the time we have them. Trust me the universe will let you know when it is time to release a relationship. The truly hard part is learning to listen to the universe and your own heart. I have often made the statement that I would much rather have a few really good friends than a multitude of acquaintances’. Now that it not to say that a relationship that has run it’s course as say lovers cannot change and grow into a lifetime of a best friend. Just listen to what the heart is saying and have the courage to say good bye when and if necessary.

I guess that is about all I have to say today cause I have to get busy clearing out space for whatever the new year and new life brings my way. So I guess I am saying is  it's time to let go of the underwear…they will make more.

Live, Love, and Laugh out loud.

Dmr 1/20/11

The Future Is Now

Is it just me or do the songs that we listened to in our youth really seem to have a lot more meaning now than they did perhaps back then?

Last night while I was  driving home and listening to a local “oldies” station a song came on that I first heard almost 35 years ago. Now as a brand new teenager of 13 I loved the song had the album…yes the LP and I played it over and over enough times to drive my friends crazy. The song was Fly Like and Eagle by the Steve Miller Band and the opening lyrics were as follows.

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future

So there I was driving down the highway and probably singing along and out loud, maybe even groovin a little when I realized what those lyrics were saying to me. Time does not stand still for anyone. Time does not slow down. Time indeed keeps on slipping into the future.

 Many of us have spent most of our lives either planning for the future or living a life of when and if. As in when I get a promotion, or more education, a nicer car, a perfect relationship or any of an endless list of things that we use that prevents us from living in the present moment and enjoying our lives today

. I know that I have been doing it for way to long, and one of my goals in the New Year is to start living for today. To recognize, embrace and enjoy the multitude of wonderful people and things in my life. Yes I have dreams, desires, and goal that I want to manifest in my life, but I am not going to sit around waiting for them before living my life with an open and honest heart and soul allowing for all my good to come to manifestation.

Wake up people and go for the gusto. Dream big, and act big. Because as the Steve Miller Band said 35 years ago……

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future

As always live, love, laugh often and out loud.

Dmr 1/7/2011

2DAZBFO

"May the sun bring you new energy by day, may the moon softly restore you by night, may the rain wash away your worries, may the breeze blow new strength into your being. May you walk through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life." - Apache Blessing

2DAZBFO

It's when we're light and happy that we attract our perfect reflection to mirror what we are. To see our wholeness is to see everyone whole and happy. May we always see others as we wish to see them. Then, we'll be gazing at ourself. – Peter Ragnar

Just Say No. End of Discussion

We’ve all been there. Just sitting and waiting for a plane to take off. Hearing but paying no attention what so ever as the flight attendants mime the safety lectures, even though it could mean life or death in the event of a crash. So there I sat safely buckled in fidgeting in anticipation of take off when I was struck by a universal 2 x 4 by something the flight attendant had just said.

She was demonstrating how to use the oxygen mask the automatically deploy should the cabin lose pressure. After demonstrating how to properly put the mask onto you face and secure it the last statement resonated with me. “Please be sure to secure your own mask before attempting to help others.” Now there is a statement that should be in life lesson 101. So for the next 2 hours my mind was blur thinking about how so many times I have attempted to help someone else even while perhaps ignoring my own signals as to what was good for me.

So I made a resolution there and then that in 2011 I would become much more cognizant of how I felt and what I thought as opposed to putting so many others feelings and thoughts ahead of mine. Now I know you are thinking “geez what a self centered jackass”, but I am afraid that we have all been taught bad lessons from perhaps well meaning people. Our parents are the first to express how important others feeling are to us. Then our school teachers continue the process and it just goes on and on till suddenly you wake up at 48 years of age and have a huge BFO (Blinding Flash of the Obvious). There is nothing wrong with being centered in self. The distinction is perhaps a matter of semantics, but I have to be centered in self and balanced in life, before I can even hope to help someone else. No more saying yes to things that you really don’t want to do just because a friend, lover, parent, sibling or whoever wants you to.

Someone once said to me the “no” was a complete statement. No thank you is a polite statement, but when someone wants something you are not willing to provide then my friends “no” is a complete statement. No explanations needed. Do not say no and then start adding words like because, or maybe. If you truly do not wish to participate in something end the discussion by firmly and politely saying the word no. End of discussion and move on.

Ladies and gentlemen in the case of emergency oxygen mask will be deploy from the overhead bin…please be sure to secure you own mask before helping others.

Live, Love, and Laugh long and often.

DmR 1/5/2011