WHEN A CHILD SPEAKS...LISTEN

Last Sunday a little blue eyed 6 year old child named Maddie taught me a very valuable lesson about mourning the loss of a loved one. I was attending and had been asked to speak at the memorial service of the wonderful mother of one of my oldest and closest friends, and Maddie’s grandmother or “Meems” as she called her.

The family had decided that this would be a celebration of her life. So they decided to have an open house and invite people into the home that she had shared with her husband and raised a family in. We were to be surrounded in memories of her life. Her art and her crafts were on display for all to enjoy. Her pottery and her quilts were arranged throughout the home she had loved so. A laptop computer played streaming photos of her life. Photos that included family and friends who enjoyed life with this amazing lady over the course of her life.

I couldn’t help but smile a little at the fact that more people were probably in the house at one time than had been there ever. A testament to how loved she was as well as how loved her family were. We came to celebrate her life with her family in her home.

When the time came for us to speak her son spoke simply and eloquently of his mother and how much he had learned from her while sitting around the kitchen table. He then read a poem called “Do Not Stand at My Grave” which I have included below.

  Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
and I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

I had decided to also speak some very simple words about this wonderful lady who had invited me into her family some 19 years ago and try to help her family understand that she would want them to let her go and continue to live her life. I chose the poem “She Is Not Gone”

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes love and go on.

So after the reading I slipped out of the living room to dry my eyes and little Maddie followed me. She looked up at me and asked why I was crying and I replied that I was a little sad. Now as we adults often do I thought this might be a moment to help her with the loss of her “Meems” So I said “what about you Maddie? Or you sad today?” That child looked at me and said in that open and honest way of a child “yes I’m sad a little…..but I’m getting over it”

Words cannot do justice to the overwhelming emotions had had that moment. This beautiful child had spoken from her heart and soul and simply said exactly why I had hoped the poem would say to the family…LOVE AND GO ON.

Mrs. Maureen Campbell you will be greatly missed by all those who love you but hopefully little Maddie will lead them in picking up the pieces and moving on. 

DMR 6-16-11